Its the eye of the tiger, its the thrill of the fight, risen up to the challenge of our rival. And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night and he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger!
There is a lot going on in my head right now. I want to share it all because I am always 100% honest in my blog but I must admit I don't know if any of this has a point, so bare with me.
First of all I should have written my noon blog that I promised on Facebook, because last night's Dance and Sing with the orchestra was amazing. The band sounded, as I like to say, Super Broadway. I had goosebumps everywhere from the first notes of the overture. Go In To Your Dance was so much fun and so lively. It was the first time I came off of the stage after that number feeling like I had nailed it. And everything else was pretty great too. The energy in the room was great. Everyone was excited to hear the band. It was a great night and it was the first time I felt excitement, not fear, about the show opening.
We did a run through of the show tonight. It's our last one before we start teching the show tomorrow. So it was really the last time to concentrate, just on us, before we start layering on additional distractions like crazy costume and set changes, lighting, sound...etc. I have to admit I wasn't feeling very ready for tonight. I have not been able to rehearse as much as I would like because I am working around the clock. That is why I knew I had to work so much in the beginning. But in my head if I don't work a certain amount of hours every day, then I am not working hard enough. I know what you are thinking, "Jessica you are too hard on yourself." Boy, if I had a nickle for every time someone said that to me. I know I am too hard on myself but I don't know how not to be.
Anyway, I went in to tonight saying to myself, "I know the dances, I know my lines, I know the songs, just go out there and have the most fun possible." Quite honestly, that is what I try to do all the time. And I did have a great time. I still had my mistakes here and there but I was trying so hard to just get lost in the show. By the time we were done I was spent. I had nothing left. But I didn't feel exhilarated, I felt wiped. Then we started notes and working through them trying to make the changes that Dawn has been asking for. And I just got to a point where I felt like I couldn't work on it anymore. I was so tired and I have worked so hard that some times I feel like it's not getting any better. There is no way to judge. I felt a good cry coming on, but I held off until I got in my car.
Remember to smile, have fun, do the right steps, sing the right notes, push, fight, act...am I doing it all? Can I push more? I am sure the answer is yes and you should always be working toward more, but at this moment I don't know if I have anymore left inside of me.
But I wrote something down on my notepad tonight that we all must always remember, "Never forget how lucky we are." Not many people have this opportunity and get to work with such professionals who demand so much of us. If they didn't demand it, no one would know what they are capable of. And that is worth pushing and fighting for. We are a part of something so amazing and I don't think we all even realize it yet. Last night, I actually cried when the band played the overture. To hear these iconic songs played to their fullest potential, produced such emotion in me. I stood there thinking about how many times I have been on a stage, getting ready to open a show, going through the process and I knew I didn't want to be anywhere else. This is what I love and this show begs for that love. It's like Dawn said, "Hello, you get to sing Lullaby of Broadway!"
It's been quite an emotional roller coaster these past few days. But I am happy I signed up for the ride. Because nothing is worth doing if you don't do it with passion. And I am so passionate about this. That is why I am also so emotional. Lychee martini, anyone? Just kidding.
Wow, this turned in to me cheering myself up. Good pep talk Jess. I am so beat, I must go to bed.
Thank you for reading.
Your fighting passionate tapper!
9 Working Days Until Opening Night! (Ahhhh....Single Digits!)
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