When Does It Get Easier?

Being alone in the studio, I returned to my old habit of getting frustrated with myself. I feel like I keep making the same mistakes. And the biggest problem is that I feel like an elephant in tap shoes. I just feel so heavy and feel like I look like I am working so hard. There is nothing effortless about it right now. How can I feel light? I am lifting my ribs but I still feel like a tapping Mack truck, now there's a visual.

I was very excited about working today because of the new shoes and they are lovely. I don't mind the taller heel because it reminds me to stay up on my toes. I warmed up and then started with pullbacks as usual. And they are getting very consistent across the floor. But now I am having trouble doing them without prepping first. I have to do them coming out of a shuffle-hop-step-step-step while turning and I can't do it instantaneously. In addition my legs feel tight. Almost like I am extending too much. I know I am supposed to bend but sometimes it looks like it's too much. And when I watch video of really polished tappers they aren't really bending that much. I just cannot get the pullbacks to feel comfortable. I am tightening the muscles in my legs so much.

Also, my shuffles are still inconsistent. They come when they want to. I am going slow but I just don't feel like I am getting clean sounds.

I am very scared about starting rehearsals because I don' want to be the only one not getting it and I don't want to get frustrated with myself. I know I will have time to work on it but I fear I won't get it perfect.

And after sounding like a Pessimistic Pam I will leave you with a positive thought. I realized during practice today that I want so bad to do this and do it well. And I am so happy to have something in my life that I want to work for. I can only do what I can do and I will do it. I know there will be days like today, many of them. But they will inevitably lead to a wonderful feeling of accomplishment. The journey is not always going to be easy. But the destination is so worth it.

I am so excited about starting rehearsals tomorrow night.

58 Days Until Opening!