I Came, I Tapped, I Conquered!

I have been puttering around the house, trying to avoid writing this post because I know how emotional it will make me. I literally already started crying. I guess I feel that there are no words that can express the feelings that I am feeling right now. But I will do my best.

I consider myself to be a very hard worker and the girl with the get it done attitude. But, I have never given more of myself to a project than I have to 42nd Street. From the moment I received that call telling me that I was cast as Anytime Annie, there was a fire ignited. This was my chance to stop all the excuses of why I can't dance. This was my chance to prove to myself that I can do anything that I put my mind to. And for one of the first times in my life I can confidently say that I am so proud of myself. I came, I tapped, conquered!

I was watching the 42nd Street tap ballet last night and for the first time I stopped and looked at everyone on that stage and just smiled. There are kids who I have taught and have seen grow up through the KidzAct Program. There are old friends who I have worked with who continue to amaze and inspire me with their dedication. There are new friends who have opened their hearts to me and have become a part of my life. There are people backstage, giving up their free time, to support us, and they are watching, as I am, in amazement. Everyone working together. Some may have said that we couldn't do it, but then some do not understand the hearts and souls of these amazing people. I could never have done it without each and every one of them. And that is why I feel so lucky to be where I am today. Sure, I am not famous. My name is not on Playbill.com. I haven't been on Broadway. But I know that I get to work with the greatest people in show business because their passion for this never dies. These people are my family. They love me, they support me, they comfort me. And I only hope that I do that in return. Life is not about your resume. It's the passion you bring to each day. It's about doing the best you can in each and every moment. And we did that every performance. And we'll do it tonight, one more time!

I dedicate this final blog post to the cast and crew of 42nd Street. I hope you know how much it has meant to me to have spent this time with you. I would do it all over again, in a heartbeat.

Love,

Your Mission Accomplished Tapper!

Giving It Everything I Got!

One of the things that I love most about performing is what you learn about yourself through the process. It has been a rough couple of weeks with the voice. I finally broke down and went to the doctor on Tuesday and found out that I have tonsillitis. And I have probably had it for the past 2 weeks and was speaking all day and singing all night with it. That's gotta do some damage. I got my medicine and was on my way. But the damage was done. I have been squeaking through some notes in the show. And although many tell me that they don't notice, I notice. I want to be able to sing my face off. But I have to be careful. But you know what, I am doing my best not to let it bother me. I can't let a couple notes pull me back from doing my best. I just gotta keep on keeping on. It hasn't been easy having this attitude, especially when you are crying through vocal warm-ups because you can't hit notes that usually aren't a problem. But when that orchestra starts and that curtain goes up, I am flashing that Annie smile and if I can't sing my face off then I am going to dance my heart out. After all, I have worked so hard to get here, I am never going to settle.

On the way home from the show tonight I realized something as I was chatting with my wonderfully adorable husband, I always give it 100%. I never want to walk away and wonder what I could have done or make excuses and blame a bad performance on my voice. I take it one scene, one song, one dance move at a time and try to be in it to win it. If I go away in focus for one second I pull myself back. I have worked on this focus for many years and preach it to my students every day. And I am glad that some of those students have come to see the show and can see me practice what I preach. Check out the pic of 2 of the cutest kids in show biz.

And then there is my wonderful mother who has come to see the show every Friday and will do so again next week. Now you see, my mother loves Broadway. She is probably the one that influenced me most in this love of the theatre. And when I was talking to her about auditioning for this show she told me I had to do it because she just loves the music. And I have to say, during the reprise of Lullaby of Broadway at bows, when she is in the audience, I only sing and dance with her and it makes me cry every time. I feel like it is just the 2 of us in the room and we are having our moment. My mother is wonderful but not one to shed a whole lot of tears or share her emotions freely. But when she saw me in this show she immediately teared up with pride and told me how proud she was of me. You have no idea how much that means to me. And she continues to tell me every Friday night. This show is such a blessing in so many ways but the most important one is how close it brings me and my mother together. I love this woman.

Who knew so many great things could come out of hard work and determination. I am beginning to like the fact that nothing in life is easy. I learn so much more when I work harder.

Only 5 more shows to go and I am already feeling emotional about it. I honestly could do this show forever. This is the most fun I have ever had in a show and you know why that is, because I love to dance and I am so grateful that I get to do that 5 performances a week and improve myself every time.

Time for bed. We have a matinee tomorrow. Oh and by the way, for those of you following and don't live in the area, 42nd Street had a completely sold out run! That's pretty impressive for little old Naples, Florida in the off season.

Goodnight all,

Your Loving Every Minute Tapper!

Never Wanting It To End!

It's been a difficult week of shows. I have been battling vocal troubles all week. And with worrying about my voice during the show it distracts me and takes me out of the moment. In this show you can't leave for one second or you will make a mistake. But I tried so hard not to let it bother me. And I have to say I was somewhat successful. I just kept saying to myself I can only do the best that I can do right now. And that is what I did.

Finally, my voice came back strong for the Sunday matinee. I was really happy to end the week on a good note (get it?).

So now we have 2 weeks of shows left and I am already dreading the end. I don't want this show to end. I always feel a certain amount of that with shows, but I feel like I have so much room to grow in this show. Yes I would like more time to myself and yes I would like to get more rest in my life. But I would give that up to continue performing in this show.

Well it's back to work teaching the kidlets.

Your Not Wanting to Stop Tapping Tapper.

Just How Hard Can One Push Themselves!

So I have been feeling neglectful of the blog lately and then my friend Ken came up to me in the green room tonight and said he had been missing it. I honestly just haven't had the time. There are always interesting things that go on night in and night out but nothing that stands out as blog worthy.

One of the biggest reasons that I don't blog as often is because there literally is no time. I am up at 6:30 AM and eat my breakfast while I make my lunch and dinner for the day. Then I squeeze in a shower, make sure I am prepared for my classes and it's off to the theater (with many bags in hand and some lemon tea for the vocal cords). My first class starts @ 9:00 AM and I have 15, 6-8 year olds who I try to teach to sing, act and dance, but mostly I am just trying to keep them quiet and not hit each other. Class is out @ noon and I get a short lunch break where I work on class stuff, eat and some times try to get a nap but that rarely happens. Then it's off to production class @ 1:00 PM where I am a rehearsal assistant / acting coach for 36, 8 - 13 year olds. That class lets out @ 5:00 PM and then it is time to go to the teen production class rehearsal which goes until 6:30 PM. That brings me right up to my time to start getting ready for the show. Talk about changing gears! How did I ever think I could do this? Oh I know the answer, because I think I can handle anything. But I must say I am breaking a little bit. Not that I am too tired to do the show, but my body is exhausted. And with all the talking, stress and lack of sleep my voice is weakening. This really upsets me because I love doing this show every night. I don't care how tired I am, I fee so blessed to have this opportunity that I want to soak in every moment. But I find that hard to do when I am worrying about straining my voice and squeaking in mid song. I have been very careful the past few weeks in class and I have really been trying to support my speech and singing but it isn't working. And I can only do so much to remedy it. I'm sucking down lemon tea, sucking on raw ginger root, drinking tons of water, staying away from alcohol and getting vocal rest whenever possible. And I just think my body is telling me, this is too much. But I don't like that answer. So my question, how much is too much?

I like to think I can do it all and push myself very hard, I always have. And I do my very best. I guess that is all you can hope for. But I just wish things were a little easier right now so I can enjoy every minute of this show. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated.

Well it's time to go to sleep. Gotta get up at 6:30 AM.

Your Tough & Tired Tapper!

Before I go, on a positive note, the audience rocked tonight. Their energy was incredible. It felt good to feel like a rock star at bows again. I just love this show and I can't say it enough. I never want to settle I always want to push and get better (I'm such a pusher!) GOODNIGHT!

Proud Mama Tapper!

This blog post is dedicated to my students in the cast of The Ever After who inspire me every day.

The show that I have been directing for the past month opened yesterday. I invited the cast and crew of 42nd Street to come and see our final dress rehearsal since they most likely will not have an opportunity to see the show because we are performing at the same time. The kids were ready for an audience and what a perfect audience they were. It's like Preview Night. It's filled with people who are so supportive. These kids rocked the house. They stayed in character the entire time, they were improvising lines and jokes left and right and they just enjoyed themselves. My cheeks hurt so much because I couldn't stop smiling and laughing the whole time. I was a proud mama. And the audience loved it too. People could not stop talking about how talented these kids are. And you know what, their right, they are talented! And it is their talent and risk taking that inspire me every day. I am so lucky.

So, of course, I was disappointed last night when I couldn't see the entire show because I was getting ready for 42nd Street. But when I gave my opening night pep talk I told the kids to do the show for me and I would do my show for them. In between getting ready and vocal warm up I was able to see a good chunk of the show and they were rocking it again. So when I went to places for 42nd Street, I was a little nervous because I was out of my usual ritual, but I was also motivated to give it my all and take risks like my kids and I had the best show yet. I finally had that feeling where everything just went right and I didn't make any mistakes and I was fully living in the moment. It was a great day and night!

And as I was talking to my husband today on our way to Whole Foods (side note, the only 2 place I go now are the theatre and Whole Foods, or at least that is how it feels) I told him my favorite thing about this show is that I feel like their is always something to improve upon. And my students remind me of that every day because they are always improving.

To the Cast and Crew of The Ever After, thank you for an amazing experience!

I could say the same to the cast and crew of 42nd Street. And I look forward to our remaining time together.

I am in theatre bliss right now. Well it's off to the theater for another wonderful show.

Love,

Your Proud Mama Tapper!

You Can't Lose Focus For One Second!

It's been an interesting couple of days. After a wonderful Preview performance and Opening Night, the exhaustion started to kick in. I was really feeling it on Saturday night. And even though I had gotten a full nights rest and relaxed most of the day, I was still dragging. I guess it all just caught up with me. But I knew I had to do the best show that I could do. I have also been really worried about my voice. It has been a little raw and I was worried about getting through Saturday nights show. Well I think I really let that get to me and rather than be completely in the moment and just see what happens, I was worrying about it. Now don't get me wrong I didn't have a bad show but my body kept making little mistakes. And in Lullaby my hat fell off and the chin strap was choking me. I didn't think it really mattered but as soon as I thought about a moment I could put it back on, I lost a second of choreo. Normally, I am very good about not missing a beat but with dancing, it's much harder. But overall I got through. I just kept reminding myself to push through each number and do the very best that I could, and that is what I did. When it was all said and done everyone said that I had great energy and that they didn't notice the mistakes. The moral of the story is, you have to keep going like nothing has happened and the audience will forget all about it. I have really learned to let those little things go. In the past I have always strived for absolute perfection and if I didn't get it than it wasn't any good and I let it ruin the rest of my show. But I realize now that it's not always going to be perfect and I will experience a brain fart now and then. Just keep going and forget about it. Don't occupy your mind with unnecessary junk.

So today I was ready to go. I had a great nights sleep, woke up and made protein pancakes for the family and went in to the theatre. I felt ready, even though my voice was still a little raw. Everything was going well, but I made a few silly mistakes in Go In To Your Dance. Again I don't think many people would notice them but I knew I had made them. Than in the ragamuffin section of We're In The Money, my hat fell off and I again thought about how to pick it up and lost a second of choreo. Blast these hats! But I did pick up the hat inconspicuously, so it wasn't hanging about for the rest of the number, which was good.

Overall, in my mind I had a rough couple of shows. To everyone else, they were good. Although I know everything can't always be perfect, I don't think that it's a bad thing to strive for. As long as I don't let the mistakes get me down. I never let myself waver in energy and always go out there and do the very best that I can and that is all that I can do.

I am loving this show and I am so happy that we have 4 more weeks to perform it. On my way home from the theater, I turned and looked at my husband and said,"Can you believe that I am in 42nd Street?" It's very surreal. I know I have said it before, but I will never forget this experience.

Well I have a full day off tomorrow. No work, no show! So I am going to get some much needed rest. I can't wait until Wednesday when we get to start all over again.

Your Happy to Have Some Time Off But Eager to Get Back to 42nd Street Tapper!

You Can Do Anything You Set Your Mind To!

Opening Night was amazing. The show was really tight and maybe a bit better than Preview which is odd. You know how shows usually have 2nd night blues? Well I didn't feel that last night. Everyone was really on. There is just something about this show that keeps you pushing and fighting. We can't ever lost that. That is what makes it fun and rewarding.

I was definitely more relaxed last night. Preview Night really made me feel like I could do this. I needed that first show out of the way to prove to myself that I could do it. Because, quite frankly, I wasn't sure. I thought my whole body would freeze up.

And I realized something last night. I spent the entire rehearsal process worrying about the dancing and the tap, that I never had a chance to relax in to my character. But I was able to do that last night because I finally believed in myself. It's amazing how much we can stand in our own way. And let me tell you, it is fun to play Anytime Annie. She's so brassy and sure of herself. I am so excited about the run and finding new things every night.

I look back on the start of this journey and I guess in the back of my head I always knew I could do it, but there was always that little voice saying, what if you can't? It feels so rewarding to have worked so hard and to reap the rewards. And I really feel like I proved to myself that you can do anything you set your mind to. And I like that my students see that example, because I would never want them to think they can't do something. That is why I teach, because when I was a kid, I didn't have a teacher there for me, believing in me, telling me that I could be anything I wanted to be and anything I wanted to do. I want to be that for them. Kids need that in their lives. And I am so lucky to be able to share that every day. I have such a passion for the theatre. It is my entire life. I don't know anything else. And that is what you will see on that stage. My deep passion for this art form. I am so blessed.

Thank you so much, again for supporting me on this journey. And although this feels and seems like a goodbye and an end to the blog, it is not. I fully intend on continuing, because the learning has not stopped. As actors, we are always in process and therefore, always learning.

Well I am off to enjoy my Saturday off until showtime tonight.

Your Mission Accomplished Tapper!

What A Night!

Words cannot describe the emotional roller coaster that was last night. It was an amazing evening but before the show started I had no idea how it was going to turn out. To say I was nervous is the understatement of the millennium. I couldn't tell you what emotion I was feeling because I was feeling all of them. I was scared, but excited and a little bit numb. As people started trickling in to the theatre it was becoming more real. I couldn't believe we were finally here. And then my great friend Gaby pulled me aside and gave me a gift, an evil eye to wear during the show to ward off evil. I bawled like a baby. She knows how hard this journey has been for me and when she told me she was proud of me I just lost it. And then Dawn came over and just looking at her made me start all over again. She was the one who believed in me and gave me this opportunity. Without her belief and pushing me, I never would have been able to have done this. I cried at vocal warm-up, I cried putting my make up on, I just couldn't stop crying. My journey kept coming in to focus and I remembered the days of spending 3 hours in the studio working my butt off and I got so emotional about it.


So before I knew it, Rhoda was calling places. Ahhhh! So nervous. Are all my costumes set? Do I have my shoes? Do I have my water? Do I have my throat spray? Do I remember the moves? Walking on stage behind the curtain, I lost feeling in my legs. I was so numb. I have never felt like that before. I didn't feel prepared or unprepared. I just felt tingly and numb. I kept reminding myself to have fun but my fear was winning. And then it was go time. As soon as the curtain rose on our feet the crowd went wild. That just filled my soul. It reminded me that I couldn't fail.

We finished the Opening Number and the audience went crazy. People even stood up. At that point my engine was revved. Although, I was still very nervous about Go In To Your Dance. I didn't know how my nerves would affect my tapping. But when it got to the number I just let myself go and it went very well. It might have been my best solo yet. And since the audience was filled with many people who know my story and follow my blog, I got some nice applause on that solo. It truly made me feel like I had accomplished what I set out to do.

I relaxed in to the rest of the show and had a phenomenal time. I knew when it came to the bows that it was going to be an amazing moment, and it was. It was more like a rock concert than a musical. People were going crazy. And then we started singing Lullaby of Broadway after the bows and I just couldn't contain my emotion, I cried like a baby. It was a great moment.

After the show we came down to the lobby for our Preview Night Reception and it was great to see everyone and hear the support. I got a lot of compliments on my dancing, some people didn't even believe me when I said that I had never tapped before. What a compliment!

The night was absolutely magical. And like Dawn said,"there is something about this show." I am so excited for Opening Night tonight. My voice is a little raw but at least I get some r & r tomorrow before the show.

And just in case anyone wanted to know, I will be continuing my blog through the run so don't forget to stop by and say hi.

Thank you all for your support!

Your Very Proud and Humbled Tapper.

No more working days, it's Opening Night! But I will still keep working and fighting.

It's The Day of the Show Y'all!

I can't believe the moment is here. It is the night before the show y'all! So many emotions are running through me right now. I am scared, exhausted, excited, nervous. Name an emotion and I am probably experiencing it right now.

We had our final dress rehearsal tonight and it went well. I was really feeling nervous in the opening number but I got through it ok. Then we were going in to Shadow Waltz and I got nervous again. Half way through the number I reminded myself that I know the steps, now it is just time to have some fun. It worked even though I made a slight mistake in the choreography while thinking of my singing note. You can't lose focus for one second in this show. I was really happy with Go In To Your Dance. Although I don't know why the slow tapping that I do to teach Peggy a move, freaks me out so much. I guess it is because it is just me up there, no music, no singing, just silence and my taps. But I was practicing when I had a second offstage and I know I just have to bend and go for it. Overall, I was really pleased.

So here it is, the moment that I and so many others have worked so hard for. I am so emotional just thinking about it. I know that I am a hard worker, but I don't know if I have ever worked as hard as this. We've come a long way from auditions and now it is time to go out there, have some fun and tell our story. I can't wait to share it with all of our friends and family.


Alright, it's time for bed. It feels a little bit like Christmas Eve!

See ya on the other side,

Your Anytime Annie

1 More Working Day Until Opening Night!
But who am I kidding, tomorrow night is showtime!

For The First Time In My Life, I Feel Like A Dancer

Tonight was a good night! I had a lot of fun and I put everything I had in to the show. I was trying to treat it like we had an audience. Before the curtain rose, I actually got some performance butterflies.

So I was able to practice today and take a nap. You can really do anything once you put your mind to it. I took a 45 minute power nap during my class when the choreographer was teaching a number and I practiced some numbers right after I got in to hair and make up. I realize that I have to run all of the tap numbers before every show to remind my muscles what to do. While practicing I kept reminding myself to think into the ground and really dance hard. That is always the best reminder because then you get all your sounds. What I tend to do is rush from step to step and then I look so frenzied all the time.

I like to stand on stage left and watch the ballet. The ballet is the actual 42nd Street number and it is an 8 minute tap ballet. It's got some really cool characters and the choreography is unbelievable. As I watched on the side I noticed the people I kept staring at were the ones putting their all in to every move and they had something going on in their faces. I found myself getting lost in it. I hope I look like that.

So here it is. Almost time to open. I have one more night in rehearsal mode and then it's nerves time. I have no idea how my body will react, but I hope I can calm it down enough to enjoy every step. I know I really need to relax before Go In To Your Dance but it's so hard. As soon as I realize that I have to tap by myself I clam up. Not that I don't know it's going to happen, but with all the changes and the way this show moves you are always in the moment and then all of a sudden it hits me right before and my hips tighten. But on a positive note, because I always like to add that, I really feel like I am a dancer. As you have heard me say before I have always wanted to be a dancer. I would look at girls in their dancer clothes and their buns on their heads and just watch them move and be so jealous. But I finally feel like a dancer. I have never danced this much in a show and I am so grateful to those who gave me this opportunity (you know who you are). This experience is one that I will never forget.

Well since it is before midnight, I am going to take advantage and get in to bed for some serious needed sleep. Look for my super nervously excited post tomorrow. I can't believe it's here. Goodnight!

Your Super Excited, Nervous and Overtired Tapper!

2 Working Days Until Opening Night!
1 More Rehearsal Until Preview Night!

Go Big or Go Home!

It's 11:45 PM and I am finally in bed. Tonight was our 2nd dress rehearsal and it went ok for me. I really felt like I lost a little fire. Ever since we started costumes I haven't been able to get back to that comfort level that I was beginning to feel. And tonight I was just making tons of silly mistakes. It's getting too close to Opening Night for silly mistakes. I know that I am tired but that is not going to change. My schedule is crazy and I just have to deal with it.

So what can I do to bring the fire back? Well I can keep reminding myself how lucky I am to be performing. Tell myself to go out there and just have fun. But I think tomorrow night I am just going to keep chanting, go big or go home. I know I need a little more push and I have to bring it now. Only 2 more rehearsals to go.

I really feel like I have to practice my tapping before we run tomorrow, but I don't know when. I must find time because I don't feel comfortable with some things right now. I find myself noticing how scared I am during the run. Annie is confident and knows that she can do anything. I just have to walk around with that attitude and believe it, otherwise I am not telling the story and that is my job.

I am really excited about Preview Night. I can't wait for my family to see everything put together. And all of our family and friends will be there supporting us. I know we can't fail in their eyes. But I really want to show them what we can do. We've worked so hard and it's gotta be great. I am going to do everything in my power to get there. Although I know I am going to be so nervous that I can't even see straight.

Well, the computer screen is getting blurry. Time for bed. Goodnight my loyal readers.

Your kicking it in to high gear tapper.

Only 3 Working Days Until Opening Night (WHAT?)

The Home Stretch!

It is the eve of the final stretch of rehearsals. Tomorrow night is our first full dress/tech rehearsal. This is the last step before opening. And I have to admit I am getting very excited.

I will start out by saying, I have been riddled with problems this week. I'm constantly tired because I am working all day and expending a lot of energy, working with kids. I have also been battling vocal troubles that are brought on by overuse and exhaustion. But I don't like to let anything get me down. However, after a long week, I was feeling very exhausted. When we started tonight I was feeling very weak and almost like I was going to pass out. But as soon as that beautiful band started playing and the cast looked around at each other with,"Let's do this thing," written all over their faces, I was feeling a little more ready. And then we started dancing the opening number and I felt incredible. There is just something about that number that thrusts you right in to the show.

I am at this point where I have mostly forgotten about the tap steps themselves and am trying to let myself go and just have fun. And let me tell you, I am having a lot of fun. I am finding little acting moments here and there that are fun and remind me of my strength in this role. I am always looking for new things on stage. I will never stop looking until the day we close. That's the best thing about live theatre, it's never the same. That is what is so exciting about it. And it's why I volunteer my time with others who love it as much as I do. Boy, I am a lucky girl. And I always try to remember that on days like today when I am tired and feel like I can't go anymore.

So, this is it. The home stretch. I am still a little nervous but I think the excited factor is kicking in to high gear. The cast and crew have been very supportive and complimentary and that is always motivating. And I have to dedicate this blog post to them. I love going in every night and seeing their smiling faces. And even though they are as tired as I am, they still want to go out there and give it all they got. That's another reason why I am so lucky, I get to spend my time with such wonderful people. I love you all and I can't wait, "to show 'em what we can do!"

Goodnight!

Your little tapper that could!

6 Working Days Until Opening Night!

Insert Eye of The Tiger Music Here!

Its the eye of the tiger, its the thrill of the fight, risen up to the challenge of our rival. And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night and he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger!

There is a lot going on in my head right now. I want to share it all because I am always 100% honest in my blog but I must admit I don't know if any of this has a point, so bare with me.

First of all I should have written my noon blog that I promised on Facebook, because last night's Dance and Sing with the orchestra was amazing. The band sounded, as I like to say, Super Broadway. I had goosebumps everywhere from the first notes of the overture. Go In To Your Dance was so much fun and so lively. It was the first time I came off of the stage after that number feeling like I had nailed it. And everything else was pretty great too. The energy in the room was great. Everyone was excited to hear the band. It was a great night and it was the first time I felt excitement, not fear, about the show opening.

We did a run through of the show tonight. It's our last one before we start teching the show tomorrow. So it was really the last time to concentrate, just on us, before we start layering on additional distractions like crazy costume and set changes, lighting, sound...etc. I have to admit I wasn't feeling very ready for tonight. I have not been able to rehearse as much as I would like because I am working around the clock. That is why I knew I had to work so much in the beginning. But in my head if I don't work a certain amount of hours every day, then I am not working hard enough. I know what you are thinking, "Jessica you are too hard on yourself." Boy, if I had a nickle for every time someone said that to me. I know I am too hard on myself but I don't know how not to be.

Anyway, I went in to tonight saying to myself, "I know the dances, I know my lines, I know the songs, just go out there and have the most fun possible." Quite honestly, that is what I try to do all the time. And I did have a great time. I still had my mistakes here and there but I was trying so hard to just get lost in the show. By the time we were done I was spent. I had nothing left. But I didn't feel exhilarated, I felt wiped. Then we started notes and working through them trying to make the changes that Dawn has been asking for. And I just got to a point where I felt like I couldn't work on it anymore. I was so tired and I have worked so hard that some times I feel like it's not getting any better. There is no way to judge. I felt a good cry coming on, but I held off until I got in my car.

Remember to smile, have fun, do the right steps, sing the right notes, push, fight, act...am I doing it all? Can I push more? I am sure the answer is yes and you should always be working toward more, but at this moment I don't know if I have anymore left inside of me.

But I wrote something down on my notepad tonight that we all must always remember, "Never forget how lucky we are." Not many people have this opportunity and get to work with such professionals who demand so much of us. If they didn't demand it, no one would know what they are capable of. And that is worth pushing and fighting for. We are a part of something so amazing and I don't think we all even realize it yet. Last night, I actually cried when the band played the overture. To hear these iconic songs played to their fullest potential, produced such emotion in me. I stood there thinking about how many times I have been on a stage, getting ready to open a show, going through the process and I knew I didn't want to be anywhere else. This is what I love and this show begs for that love. It's like Dawn said, "Hello, you get to sing Lullaby of Broadway!"

It's been quite an emotional roller coaster these past few days. But I am happy I signed up for the ride. Because nothing is worth doing if you don't do it with passion. And I am so passionate about this. That is why I am also so emotional. Lychee martini, anyone? Just kidding.

Wow, this turned in to me cheering myself up. Good pep talk Jess. I am so beat, I must go to bed.

Thank you for reading.

Your fighting passionate tapper!

9 Working Days Until Opening Night! (Ahhhh....Single Digits!)

Today's Blog Is Brought To You By Breath Support!

I am sitting at the theatre, typing on my new MacBook Pro given to me as a surprise by my wonderful husband. I am so happy because now I can blog more, yay!

Tonight is our Dance & Sing with the orchestra. This is a very exciting moment! This is when it becomes real.

I have to admit that I am dealing with another uphill battle at the moment. I started my summer teaching last week. So I am at the theatre from 8:45 AM until 10:00 PM and now this week we go to 11:00 PM. Needless to say I don't get much sleep and I am teaching musical theatre to 7 - 13 year olds. It has taken a toll on my voice as it usually does. So I am taking this opportunity to learn from it. I have asked a few experts and I need to support my speech the way I support my singing, with full breath support. Easier said than done when you are used to a certain teaching style. But I must adjust or I will continue to lose my voice. I rested my voice all weekend and really concentrated on controlled speaking in class and I feel pretty good. My voice is still a little weak but I am hoping to remedy this problem. Which is why I always love challenging myself because it teaches you new things all the time.

Well I have to keep this short because I have to rehearse before our exciting night. Expect many more messages now that I have mobile technology. Thank you husband!

Your supported voice and new MacBook Pro owning tapper!

10 Days Until Opening Night!

You Take the Good, You Take the Bad, You Take Them Both and There You Have The Facts of Tap!

Sometimes you just don't want to stay and work, but you do, and then...magic!

Tonight we finished spacing the show on stage. I was done at 9:15 because the cast was going to spend the rest of the time working on the ballet. I really wanted to go home. After being at the theater since 8:45 AM teaching children and expending all of my energy, I just wanted to go home and rest, but I didn't. I listened to my gut (that is nauseous because of how close opening night is) and I went upstairs to the 2nd floor dance studio and worked. And since we got our dance CD's to practice with tonight it made things very much easier. So I got to work on all the tap numbers in the show. I had some issues with the Opening Audition number, but nothing too major. And then I got to Go Into Your Dance and I just couldn't make certain sounds, I just wasn't hitting the floor at all. I was getting so frustrated. Here I am working my butt off day in and day out and it's not paying off. Or at least that is what I thought. I kept thinking,"What am I doing that is causing me not to make these sounds?" And I started putting all of the pieces of the puzzle together. I realized I wasn't bending my knees all the time. I start bending them and as I get more tense or tired I straighten them and that kills me. So I reminded myself to bend, pound that ground and smile baby. And the number was great. It really felt like another eureka moment. Some times you just need to sift through the bad to get to the good.

Well Bedtime!

Your so glad she stayed and worked tapper!

15 Working Days Until Opening Night!

It's Crunch Time Kids!

I know it's been a long time since I have blogged, but every time I sit down to write I don't know what to say. I am at this point of no forward motion, or at least I feel that way. But I guess there some things to fill you in on.

One thing is, we finished the show! Which is an accomplishment in itself. Yes we finished with our choreographed bows on Friday. It's nice to know that we are at that point where we don't have to process any new information. Except for the fact that we have to re-space the entire show onstage, which adds numbers in our heads. And since this is a massive dance show, it's a lot of numbers. This show is such a beast.

We finished Shuffle Off To Buffalo on Thursday and it is the cutest darn thing, and quickly becoming my favorite moment of the show. Since it's not tap dancing and it relies on character, I sink right in to the piece like an old pair of slippers. The thing to really make happen is to get that comfort with the tap dances. I realize that I just need to go for it and hope for the best. Act the you know what out of it. Easier said than done but I am trying my damnedest.

So here we are 2 & 1/2 weeks out and it's crunch time kids. "Go big or go home," as Dawn says. I keep trying to push myself harder and harder but it's just not there yet. I need to stop evaluating myself as I go. I must remember to have fun. But at this point with all the stopping and starting it's hard to get in to a flow. I am trying not to use that as an excuse but is difficult.

Since I am back to work full time with my teaching job, it doesn't leave much time for tapping outside of rehearsal. However, I have decided to tap for 1 hour every day. And I'll tell you what, I keep learning little things that help me become better day by day. Today I realized I need to strengthen my left ankle and get it really loose because when I shuffle I want to use my whole leg right up to my quadriceps and you can't do that. You need to utilize from your knee down. Every time I slip on those tap shoes I learn something. Which may be the coolest thing about this process.

I will say, I have a lot of support from my cast and crew. They are always giving me words of encouragement and telling me how much my hard work has paid off. That's enough to keep you going for a lifetime. That's why I love working in the theater, the family that I have accrued. I feel so lucky in that regard.

As I was riding home tonight, I was listening to the soundtrack of The Book of Mormon (my husband kindly purchased the CD and then put it in my car so I would be surprised when I got out of rehearsal). The music is big and very Broadway and it gave me goosebumps. It reminded me why I love musicals, because the music makes you feel something. It's like your heart immediately connects with it. I want to give that to our audiences. It's time to get wrapped up in the 1930's and in this world. Go after what my character wants and get it at all costs. Throw it all out there on the stage. No more being scared. Just go out there and do what I know how to do.

Wow, that was a good pep talk! I hope I can remember that every night for the rest of the rehearsal process and even performances.

Well I am weary and still have things to do so I must leave you now. Thank you for stopping by.

Goodnight!

Your pep talking, take no prisoners tapper!

17 Working Days Until Opening Night! (Holy Wah!)

Having Fun Is So Much Fun!

I went in early to the studio today and met with some of the other girls from the show. We wanted to review everything before the run through tonight. I was so happy to have people to work with. Some times it gets boring working by yourself. After we went through everything, the other girls left and I stayed just to solidify some things for myself. Then I got to that point where I knew I had to be done. So I packed up and left.

When I got home, I continued to work on other aspects of the show and really try to get everything set in my head. Of course, I felt like I didn't work hard enough, but hey, there are only so many hours in the day.

On my way in to the theater I just kept up my mantra, "just have fun." That's all I can do. If I am not having fun then the audience is not having fun. I turned on "Take On Me" by A-Ha and jammed out in my car and remembered how much fun dancing like a loon with complete abandon can be. I thought to myself, "have that much fun."

When I got in to the rehearsal room everyone was tapping away. I threw on my shoes and started working on some steps. And I found that I was messing up almost everything. I tensed up and got worried. But before we started I reminded myself once again to have fun. Who cares if I mess up just have fun. And that is exactly what I did. I went out there and gave it almost everything I have. I certainly messed up my fair share of steps but I didn't care. I noted the mistakes and moved on (I'll clean them in the studio tomorrow). And after it was all said and done I had that great feeling that actor's crave, I didn't even realize what had happened. I was so in it I couldn't remember it. Now that's what I call fun.

There are still many things to work on but today has been stamped as a success and provided just the motivation I was looking for.

Well it's time for bed! Nighty Night,

Your carefree, fun-loving, 100% committed tapper.

22 Working Days Until Opening Night!

You Gotta Fake It Til You Make It & It's Time To Make It!

I don't even know what to write about any more. Which is pretty much how I feel about the show. I feel like I have been working so hard and I have plateaued in every way. I need a jolt, something to energize me through the next couple of weeks.

I did work yesterday in the studio for an hour and a half and it was good work. Other than thinking in to the ground which is a constant issue with me, I discovered a few other things. I noticed I constantly lift my hips and that prevents me from striking the ground. This tightness not only comes from concentration and tension but also, I am not always breathing. That can't be good. I also realized that on my left foot I am pointing when I shuffle out which makes it hard to get it back in quickly. This is going to be a hard habit to break. But I did start to feel the certain bounciness that tap requires. It is all about weight distribution which I have said before, but it cannot be taught it has to be discovered.

I have to admit it was not easy going back to rehearsal tonight after 4 days off. I felt like I should have spent all that time working on the show but I was just unable to. One, because I went away for 2 days, two, because I have other work to do for my job and three, I don't even know what to work on anymore. I am singing and dancing non stop, drilling everything in to my head. And at this point nothing seems to be getting any better. Although I did enjoy learning the opening choreography to Shuffle Off To Buffalo. It was in my comfort zone. It made me feel competent.

And then on my way home tonight it hit me. I have forgotten the fun. Why do we do this? Certainly not to make money and certainly not to further our careers. We do it for the fun. Every time I get a role in a show I complicate it and make it so hard on myself to get everything absolutely perfect, when what I need to be doing is letting loose, trying new things and having fun. Most times I just let the uptight part of my personality get the best of me.

So from now on, forget perfect. I am going for fun. I am hoping that will infuse energy in to this listless hoofer.

Tomorrow is our Design Run where we will run almost the whole show (what we have up to this point). It's an exciting night because there are new eyes and new reactions. I hope all my hard work shows through. And if not, I am going to have fun anyway.

Goodnight!

Your,

Fun loving, not perfect tappa, tappa, tapper!

23 Working Days Until Opening Night! (Yowzaa)

Smile, Baby!

I am writing to you while I am on my way to Orlando for a getaway weekend. You may be asking yourself, "Why aren't you at rehearsal Jessica?" Well that is because I have the night off. And it couldn't come at a better time because I need to step away from the tap shoes.

Last night we ran all of Act I for the first time. I tried not to think too much and really stay in the moment and I have to say that it worked. I really felt the culmination of all of my hard work. I knew I had to work really hard in the beginning in order to start feeling comfortable now.

It didn't hurt that my husband was present for the run. So as usual I asked him what he thought and he said your dancing is great but you need to smile. In this whole process I have concentrated so much on the steps that I forgot to smile.

So with that I went in to the studio to work today. I really wanted to work on Go In To Your Dance. But as I started working I just had no motivation. I realized I was tired and needed a break from the whole thing. So this weekend couldn't come at a better time. It's like Julian Marsh says in the show, "You've earned it, go out and have a good time, forget about the show." And for the next 2 days that is exactly what I am going to do. My hope is that I come back refreshed and ready to work.

Have a great weekend!

Your taking time off tapper.

26 Working Days Until Opening Night!

I Am A Competent Tapper!

Now some of you might be saying, "DUH!" But for the first time today I believed it and felt it. I spent 2 and 1/2 sweaty hours in the studio today. I am actually off from rehearsal tonight so I decided to go in early so I can spend the evening with my wonderful husband. I started to work on Go In To Your Dance and that darned military time step. Still heavy, I went to youtube to check out the pros and I saw this lightness about them. I tried to mimic it and voila, I was getting better. It's definitely a work in progress.

I attempted pullbacks for just a bit but I just cannot get my right foot to make the 2 sounds that I need it to make. The left is great but the right just goes up and down. I NEED HELP!

I worked on We're In The Money. The great thing about this dance is that nothing is particularly hard but you do have to practice it and know the sequence very well. I started slow and then got faster and faster. It was a great review.

I did the Opening Number once and I found a few things to work on. I worked on them and did it again with a sense of abandon and relaxation. It was much better. But still hard to get through with a smile on your face. Can anyone say CARDIO?

All in all I feel really good about today. Every day that I work I find out something more about where my weight should be. That is the most difficult thing. Trying to think up and down at the same time. Trying to be light on your feet but slam that ground. It's not something one can learn in a day, a week or even a month. But I am getting there and that makes me feel so accomplished.

I wanted to work a little bit longer but I was getting tired and was unable to do even simple moves. So I knew it was time to pack it in for the day because I didn't want to get frustrated with myself. It's all about balance (new mantra).

I am excited about my progress and looking forward to learning the final part of Go In To Your Dance tomorrow.

Well it's time to make some homemade pizza.

Love,

Your finally starting to believe in herself tapper.

30 Working Days Until Opening Night!